Clear as a Whistle.

Friday, 18 June 2010 - I stepped into clinic and talked to the receptionist.

This was supposed to be my followup visit the doctor's. The most difficult ear infection was already kicking in for Day 5, and I was more than eager to throw it out. The two ladies at the receptionist mumbled something out of my field of understanding so I just went, "Mmmm Mhmm" and took a seat.

Letting my ass get intimate with the cushion of the chair, I whipped out my iPhone and amused myself with the games on it; really old games, need new games.

There was this strange ring after about 15 minutes, and on this totally wide but out of resolution TV screen pops up my name. Pretty fancy, if not for the recognisable "nature" screensavers we all know.

I went into Room 2, and was checked by an entirely different doctor. This one seemed nicer and didn't me the impression he could have been Jabba the Hutts understudy in the Star Wars films; no offense.

He brought me over to the examination bed and almost instinctively, I lay down. He said, "No, sit down." "Oh, right," I said back.

He took out this huge machine, with a strangle nozzle at the end that looked more like a satellite dish than a hose.


"This isn't going to hurt, right?"
"It's like jumping into the swimming pool. No hurt."

So, the left side was to be cleared first. Next thing I knew, water was gushing into my ear. It wasn't really like diving into the pool. It was more like if you took a large high-pressured water gun and shot it into someone's ear.

After two tries, I experienced near deafness. It was like listening to something in a vacuum. How would I know what it's like to hear in a vacuum, I hear you ask? Well I'm no astronaut, but if you play the exterior of the ship levels in Dead Space, you'll sort of get the idea.

He started making really weird hand signals in front of me. Taking like a game of charades, I played along. I guessed most of what he was trying to depict because that was about to happen to me.

Whatever was stuck in my ear had fully clogged the canal and the water wasn't going to get it out. Just then, he pulled out a very long, pointy caliper from a drawer. I gave the face signal for "WHAT IS THAT?"

I heard a bit of cracking noises next, some squishy ones. Then like a roar of wind, hearing was back.

He dropped this huge cylinder of wax into the collecting dish and I was amazed it was smaller than what I thought it would be like.

He said after the treatment I would feel a bit dizzy. I acknowledged this and we moved on to the next ear.

This ear proved difficult, partly because the walls of the canal had become inflamed and that really hurts. Three tries with more squishy noise and whoosh, hearing came back to me.

I did feel super discombobulated, I couldn't even get off the bed without standing straight. The doctor asked me to take a rest, but I couldn't wait; Ellya and Mum were still in the car.

Every sound that came into my ear seemed so clear and it even echoed. I could hear the wind brushing onto my pants, I could hear the wind blowing in my ear, I could hear my neighbour complaining about the state of her gate.

This is probably what Superman hears like.